<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>wishful thinking by chaotic_carisi</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29574645">wishful thinking</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi'>chaotic_carisi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:14:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29574645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba sighed. “Carisi…” </p><p>“No, I know, I know, it’s just…” Carisi leaned closer to Barba and whispered, “I missed you this morning. You left without saying goodbye.” </p><p>“Not here, Carisi.” Barba said, keeping his eyes forward as they entered the building, but he could tell Sonny was pouting behind him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wishful thinking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Counselor!” </p><p>Rafael Barba stopped in the middle of the stairs and turned around as he heard the familiar voice calling him. </p><p>“Detective. How can I help you?” He asked as he came face to face with Sonny Carisi. </p><p>“I was wondering if I could shadow you today?” Carisi asked as the pair began to walk up the stairs to the courthouse. </p><p>Barba sighed. “Carisi…” </p><p>“No, I know, I know, it’s just…” Carisi leaned closer to Barba and whispered, “I missed you this morning. You left without saying goodbye.” </p><p>“Not here, Carisi.” Barba said, keeping his eyes forward as they entered the building, but he could tell Sonny was pouting behind him. </p><p>Carisi didn’t give up. He followed Barba through the courthouse, staying silent until they got to the empty courtroom.  </p><p>“Did I do something wrong?” He asked when they were finally alone. </p><p>“What?” Barba paused for a moment, shaking his head before he turned around, a confused look on his face. “No, no of course not. Why would you think that?” </p><p>Sonny sighed, finally building up the courage to say what had been on his mind for a while. “Rafael, we only see each other at night. We have to sneak around, and even then we only see each other for a few hours a week, and that’s not including work. When you told me you weren’t ready to tell people, I thought it would only be a month or so.” He paused, avoiding Rafael’s eyes. “It’s almost been a year. I’m tired of hiding this.” </p><p>The silence between them lasted what felt like forever, the only noise coming from the passing voices and footsteps outside. </p><p>Rafael watched Sonny, not sure what to say next. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say. </p><p>Sonny scoffed and found himself talking again before he even knew what he was going to say. “Are you ashamed of me? Is that it? I mean, I know I don’t have the nicest suits, and I don’t clean up so great, and yeah, maybe I am a bit messy, but I try my best. I love you, and I guess I thought you loved me too, but maybe I was wrong."</p><p>Rafael still didn't know what to say. He hadn't meant to make Sonny feel like this, in fact, he didn't even know Sonny felt this way. </p><p>"If we're really in a relationship, I want to be able to talk about you as my boyfriend, I want to be able to be with you in public. I don't want to have to hide this from everyone."</p><p> Sonny reached into his pocket and placed something on the table in front of Rafael. "You left your watch this morning." He turned to leave, already regretting everything he said. "I'll see you tonight, I suppose."</p><p>"Sonny, wait!" Rafael called after him, finally finding his voice, but it was too late. The door shut with a thud as Sonny left, leaving Rafael alone in the courtroom with his thoughts. </p><p>Had he really treated Sonny so unfairly? He had always planned on telling people eventually, but it never seemed like the right time. </p><p>As the jury began to file into the courtroom, an unwelcome thought made its way into Rafael's mind. </p><p>What if it was too late? </p><p>-</p><p>Sonny groaned as Rollins pressed the ice pack against his nose, fighting the urge to pull away from her. </p><p>"You're being a baby." She said, ignoring him and pressing the ice pack down harder. </p><p>"Am not." He pouted. </p><p>"Are too. It's your own fault. How did you even end up in a fight?" </p><p>Sonny shrugged, knowing he couldn't tell her the truth without mentioning his morning with Barba and the anger that fuelled him to chase a guy that was probably only carrying a few joints. </p><p>She looked up, then frowned. "Barba better not be here because of you."</p><p>Sonny spun around in his chair, pain shooting through his nose and head as he felt the relief of the ice pack vanish. </p><p>The shock on Rafael's face was clear as day as he rushed over to be beside Sonny. </p><p>"What happened? What did you do? Who did this? Are you okay?" The rush of questions came faster than Sonny could process. </p><p>"I'm fine." He shrugged again. </p><p>Rafael reached over and took the ice pack from Rollins. "Yeah, sure you are. Your nose looks broken, baby."</p><p>"What, no. My nose is-" </p><p>Sonny realised what Rafael said. He wasn't even sure if Rafael knew what he said. Rollins definitely heard, and decided that she was suddenly needed elsewhere. </p><p>Rafael pressed the ice pack gently against his nose, and Sonny felt his hand against his arm. </p><p>"Rafi…" He started, but Rafael spoke up. </p><p>"I'm sorry. It wasn't fair of me to ask you to keep this a secret, not for this long." He pushed Sonny’s hair back as he spoke. "I love you, Sonny. No more secrets." </p><p>"You promise?" </p><p>"I promise." </p><p>Rafael leaned over and kissed Sonny’s forehead, and found that he didn't care about the glances from the other detectives. He didn't even wonder what they were thinking.</p><p>He could only think about Sonny.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>